The Healing Power of Boundaries: Why Consent Matters in Therapy and Beyond

I feel incredibly grateful for the opportunity I had to attend the Counseling Psychology Master’s program with a Holistic focus at John F. Kennedy University in San Jose, California. Back then, pre-COVID, the program was in-person, which made it a unique and enriching experience. The connections I formed with my cohort members and professors were deeply meaningful, and I often stop to reflect on how lucky I was to have that close-knit, face-to-face community before online and hybrid formats became the norm. We spent many classes sitting in a circle, processing our thoughts and emotions, and holding space for one another. This kind of community-based learning was invaluable.

One of the most impactful aspects of the program was how much our professors emphasized the importance of boundaries in the therapeutic relationship. I’m so grateful that they recognized that boundaries are just as crucial—if not more so—than clinical knowledge. You can memorize the DSM from cover to cover, but if you push your own agenda onto your clients, you risk harming them. Therapy is about the client, not the therapist. It’s about creating a safe, non-judgmental space where the client can explore their feelings, without the therapist imposing their own beliefs or expectations.

There’s an inherent power imbalance in any healer-client relationship. As therapists, we are in a position of influence over our clients, many of whom come to us in vulnerable states—broken, scared, sad, or desperate for help. This is why it’s so important to be aware of the power we hold and to work diligently to avoid taking advantage of it. We must constantly check ourselves to ensure we’re not pushing our own needs or desires onto our clients. As Voltaire famously said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” This applies in the healing space as much as it does anywhere else.

Sadly, I've heard numerous stories from clients and friends about therapists who misused the space, sometimes in ways that undermine the therapeutic process. One story that stands out was about a therapist who brought their wedding photo album into a session and spent the entire hour looking through it with the client. Another client reported that her therapist spent sessions scrolling through Facebook on their phone, while seemingly disinterested in what the client was sharing. These are not just minor mistakes; they represent a complete breakdown in therapeutic attunement, where the therapist's personal distractions or lack of care harm the very connection that the client is depending on. It’s difficult for clients to feel safe or heard when their therapist is not fully present.

Misattunement doesn’t just happen when a therapist is disengaged, though. It can also occur when a therapist becomes too invested in healing their client, pushing their own agenda about what is “best” for the client, even when the client is not ready or willing to engage. The desire to help is natural for healers—we’ve spent years learning, working internships, and developing skills because we want to make a difference. But it’s important to remember that healing is a collaborative process, and it only works when the client is truly ready and open to it.

There are many reasons a person might resist help, even when it's offered with the best of intentions. They might:

• Be scared or have parts of themselves (what some call "Protector" parts) that are suspicious or worried about being hurt.

• Feel unworthy of help, or struggle with the idea of receiving care if it wasn’t a part of their upbringing.

• Be subconsciously benefiting from their current state, such as avoiding the discomfort of change, even if it means staying stuck in a familiar, but unfulfilling, situation.

Whatever the reason, one thing remains constant: consent is paramount. Informed consent is the foundation of any therapeutic relationship. For healing to truly occur, the client must fully understand and agree to the process, the risks, the benefits, and the alternatives. If the client is not on board, healing cannot happen.

This principle extends far beyond traditional therapy. It applies to all forms of healing, including psychic readings, tarot, astrology, Reiki, yoga, and other holistic practices. For example, it’s common for people seeking tarot readings to ask about others in their lives, often about a partner or love interest. However, engaging in this kind of energy work without the other person’s permission—invading their psychic and energetic space—is considered unethical. In fact, many in the healing community would call it "black magic."

Why is this wrong? Because healing without permission is based on the assumption that we, as healers, know what’s best for another person. But we don’t. We are not on their journey, and we cannot predict the lessons they are meant to learn. By interfering, even with the best intentions, we may prevent them from gaining the wisdom and growth that comes from their own experiences. In some cases, their soul may be seeking to learn lessons through pain or suffering, and our interference could hinder that process. It’s a difficult truth, but sometimes the most healing thing we can do is respect a person’s journey, even when we feel we could help them.

Of course, there are exceptions. If I see someone having a heart attack, I’m going to call 9-1-1. But if someone has a Do-Not-Resuscitate (DNR) order, I must respect their wishes, even if it’s uncomfortable. These complex situations highlight the importance of consent, especially when it comes to matters of life and death, but that’s a topic for another time.

So, how can this principle of boundaries and consent apply to your own life, even if you’re not a therapist? First, be mindful of the advice you offer to friends or family. If they haven’t asked for it, don’t offer it. You can always ask, “Are you open to advice?” but if they say “no,” respect that boundary. Giving unsolicited advice rarely helps. It often creates resistance and makes it less likely that the person will seek or accept the help they need.

If you do have healing to offer, whether it’s emotional, physical, or energetic, make sure the other person understands what they are agreeing to and gives informed consent.

In healing, whether in therapy or in any other modality, consent and boundaries are the foundation of trust. They ensure that both parties feel respected, heard, and safe. Without them, healing is impossible.

If this message resonates with you, whether you're a healer or someone seeking healing, I invite you (with consent, hah) to take the next step in cultivating healthier boundaries in your life. Click here to book a session with me.

Boundaries are not just for therapists—they are essential for anyone who is looking to foster more meaningful, respectful relationships, and ultimately, a deeper connection with themselves and others.